Your no so smart now are you! Friday 26 June, Day 100

Video killed the radio star!

Would you believe it, it’s been 100 days since I was told to work form home, am I still sane? Well I am saner than I was at day 50 so that’s some progress.

It’s strange how the time has passed, I’ve had some very, very, very long days yet the weeks have flown in. Remember when you were wee and all the boring auld coggers use to say “make sure you enjoy yerself, time and tide waits for no man” I use to think what does that actually mean, I’m no anywhere near the sea ya fucking rocket!

I never had google, to look it up, I think that’s why my brain is mush most of the time, as I don’t have to really think hard or remember things I just whip my phone out and check the internet job done!

I always thought I was decent with the internet and technology until recently, when I realised, I had turned into my mum.

It was only about eight years ago I use to laugh at my mum using her mobile phone, she would hold it to her ear to listen, then move it in front of her mouth to speak as if it was a walkie talkie, but by the time she had moved it back to her ear she had missed some of the conversation and would then put it back in front of her mouth to ask what she had missed, the call continued like that.

And of course, as soon as the call was finished the mobile would be switched off and put in the drawer.

My Sister, Brother and I use to be purple in the face showing her how to use her tablet or her “piano” as she called it, my Sister got the brunt as she lived nearby, cheers Sis, thanks for taking one for the team. My mum once asked me to scatter her email, whit???? I had visions of us picking a special spot, having moments of silence and tossing the tablet through the air. She meant delete her emails, where the fook scatter came from I don’t know.

I never banded myself as being a “Digital native” but I did think I was a “Digital Immigrant” but the reality is I am still sitting on the Mayflower.

Despite having to adjust to video calls and MS Teams what I have noticed about myself is that I just like to stick to the one thing. I’ve had an iPhone for donkeys and it’s nothing to do with brand, I just can’t stand the thought of trying to work a Samsung. My favourite choice of communication is whats app, I’ve been using it for years. Getting a normal text or an i msg really does screw with my head, it’s the different colours that upset me.

I like that in whats app I can have groups and I can archive chats which stops me replying to the wrong person, and we all know how much hassle that can cause! A few months ago, I was speaking to a much younger person than me about whats app and she said “oh no I don’t use that, that would mean I would need to give my number out” I never really did understand what she meant.

The other day I was having a catch up with two friends so one of them “created a room” on messenger, it’s all soo very matrix, but it did mean I could use my laptop and headphones.

The start of the video call was good, then I must have pressed a button as I couldn’t hear them, and they couldn’t hear me. I could see them mouthing “you must have muted yourself” then doing all the visual signs to unplug the headphones from the socket, which I did but it never made any difference, of course by then I could see them mouthing “fucking fanny” and the visual signs turned into the finger.

I ended up hanging up and dialling back in, “oh I think you must have muted yerself, did you?” I don’t know do you think I’m Bill fucking Gates. We had a good chat, but the sound got worse and worse, so we agreed to call back on whats app, hallelujah suited me to a t.

With a wee jump of glee I got my phone and opened whats app, five mins into the video call I could hardly hear a thing, then I realised I had my earphones still on my heid and plugged into my laptop, no fucking wonder I couldn’t hear, even I was calling myself a fanny.

Headphones off I settled into the conversation until I turned my volume up and cut myself off.

I swear I could hear my mum say “get it right up you, ya wee bugger”