Anger Management, Saturday 18 February 2023.

“But don’t look back in anger, I heard you say”

Whenever I had a rant to my mum about the tortured events in my life, like the pure trauma I had when my so-called best pal bought the last copy of smash hits, or the torment the new girl at work was causing me, with her fancy voice and her fancy degree. Or the time I “borrowed” the works van and some idiot scrapped the paintwork, thank fuck for nail polish!

After my rant, my mum would say, when you’re in your 20s the things that bothered you in your teens won’t upset you. When you’re in your 30s the things that bothered you in your 20s you won’t even care about, 40s/50s and so on.

For a couple of decades, she was right, but now and I don’t know why but these past few years nearly every fucking thing bothers me especially rudeness.

Maybe it’s an age thing, but my tolerance levels have dropped to minus 17. I feel some people have lost any thought for others, have no common sense, no manners and are just plain rude. Obviously, I don’t mean my family and friends cause they are all great, well apart from this one friend.

So, a few weeks ago, I’m having dinner with this friend who by the way I haven’t seen for a couple of years, so its all cuddles, you look great, air kisses, me ignoring the fact she’s put on 2 stone and her ignoring the fact I’ve lost 1.5 stone, MIAOW!

We’re getting stuck into our dinner and her guy video calls her, and what do you think she did, well she answers the call, how very rude!

From the screen I could clearly see the guy wasn't trapped down a well, there was no emergency situation, he just wanted to see how she was and chat about their day, aww how lovely is that ❤.

Was it fuck lovely, not only was my dinner being interrupted, but me and everyone else in the place had to listen to them talk total shite.

Him “Hey princess (BOKE) you look lovely, how’s your dinner?”

Her “Oh we’ve just started it, I ordered risotto and Malky got Mac n Cheese, do you want to see it”

Him “yea go for it”

Phone is tilted and swept across the table

focusing in on the food.

Her “how good does Malky’s food look, in fact do you want to speak to her”

Him “yea put her on”

WTA, why the fuck would I want to speak to him, what am I a five year old that’s been forced to speak to their gran “go on you know your gran loves you, just say hello” fuck right off, any parent that makes their weans do that should be forced to do community service!

Of course, I'm bealing, the nerve in my eye was twitching my knuckles were white and I’m holding myself back from grabbing the phone and ramming it up Princesses arsehole! But I don’t, I smile politely and say hello.

About ten minutes later my phone rings, I don't answer and she calls me a wee weirdo! Aye I admit I'm a weirdo at times but at least I'm not rude enough to sit on a call when I'm in company!

When did society progress from holding a phone to an ear to holding it in front of them? Chat, chat, chatting into the bottom of it with the fucking speaker on for everyone to hear! Do people have no sense of privacy anymore? I don’t want to know what you did at the weekend, or what she said he said.

Don’t get me started about the numpty’s on public transport listening to You tube with no earphones on, there is no excuse for it, don’t fucking do it, just gonna no.

It’s not all phone related rage I have, it extends to other things like the petrol station, how long does it take for people to drive away from the pump?

Mirror, signal, manoeuvre I’m comfortable with, but stopping to get a latte from the costa machine is a no go and it’s a major rip off. There's fuck all coffee in the cup, it’s a cardboard cup of foam, and as there is fuck all in it the cups are pure light, one time I picked one up and it flew up and smacked me in the face.

Grrrrr, what about people who fill up, get in the car mirror down, lippy on, fix the hair, get something out the back seat, come on tae fuck MOVE there are people behind you.

You couldn’t make this up, recently my pal pressed the update on the car’s system while her other half was putting the petrol in. 30 mins later they’re still sitting in the car at the pump, waiting for the update to finish. The cars rocking and the windys are all steamed up cause of the domestic inside.

The pressure of 20 drivers in the queue beeping their horns wondering what the fuck is going on. Can you imagine the tension in that car, they’re still married so it’s all good.

Although, I was doubled up in stitches when my pal told me, if I was behind her, I would have been calling her for everthing!

For fear of getting a kicking, I don’t rant and rave to the phone speaker folks or the petrol pumpers, no I just rant to myself, I get all fucking angry with them and take it out on me.

I’m like a looney, talking and swearing to myself, heartbeat racing, arms flying about all over the place, foaming at the mouth, scrunching my eyes up, storming off of buses, 100% maniac behaviour!

Who ends up upset, only me, apart from on the dance floor I don’t want to be manic, so, I’m going to learn to calm my spam and not let rude as fuck people bother me anymore!

Well I'm gonna try as soon as the rude bastard behind me at petrol station stops beeping me. I wish they would calm down, don't they know I'm posting a blog here !