The Bucket List, Tuesday 19 May 2020, Day 62

Who's that girl, who's that girl, when you see her, say a prayer and kiss your heart goodbye!

Well thank the lord and everyone’s granny that it’s the start of a new week. Between lockdown and a little bit of the fear from the TTs, I was completely and utterly fucking scunnered last week.

On Wednesday every time I looked at myself the wrong way I would greet. Thursday night I cried my way through the one show (it is pretty pish), bawled my eyes out at clap for carers and sobbed my way through you've been framed. Friday daytime I was busy at work so managed to just hold it together. Friday night I was pished after one glass of wine and was sleeping on the couch by 8.30pm, rock n roll baby, fucking rock n roll.

I got up late on Saturday feeling better, sometimes you need a wee bubble and a reminder from a pal that it’s ok to not be ok.

I set myself some tasks, one was to sort through a box of photographs and clear out a box that over the years I’ve put cards and things like ticket stubs in. I came across a picture of me age 18, I was a wee stunner even if I say to myself, I was amazed, well compared to now thirty years on at how clear my eyes and skin were and how red my lips were, the hair was a riot but you canny have everything.

Thirty years on! One minute I’m slipping on my size eight jeans and heading to Bonkers show bar and doin the doo with Betty Boo and in the blink of an eye I cant even squeeze my neck into a pair of size 8 jeans to wear as a snood, I am going fucking bonkers and I am no doin any do! The hair is still a riot, it’s comforting that some things never change.

Searching through my box I come across my 18-year-old “Malky’s achievement list” of course it’s a bucket list but I never knew that term until the film came out. Come on how many of you did?

How excited was I, I poured myself a glass of wine and started ticking my achievements off the list. I wish I hadn't bothered!

Me Age 18, check the hair!