Sangria and Sombreros, Friday 1st May 2020, Day 44

Oh, this year I’m off to Sunny Spain, Y Viva España, I’m taking the Costa Brava ‘plane, Y Viva España!

My eyes are moving but I don’t have the mental capacity to open them, the sun coming through my window is blazing. I try to lift up my throbbing head but it’s stuck to the keyboard of my laptop, I must have fallen asleep on it, I stay still for a few minutes and gradually open my eyes, there is no sunshine its my blasted orange curtains, I fucking hate them but know I’ll never get around to changing them.

Real slow I peel my head off the keyboard, yuk it’s covered in dried slabbers, what the fuck happened I don’t remember a thing when did I fall asleep? I shuffle to the toilet and stand on my glasses, bastard, thank fuck they aren’t broken. The bathroom mirror is not kind to me, in fact it’s downright evil, mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all? No response!

Leaning in closer I notice I have the letters Z X C the windows logo and the word alt imprinted on my cheek, a cocktail umbrella behind my ear and I am wearing a bikini. I let out an almighty wail just as a snot bubble bursts out my nose and pops in my face, it tastes like oranges.

The living room is a riot, my sunglasses are hanging from my peace lily, there’s a sombrero, well what’s left of one on the couch, I must have sat on it. There are broken glasses and an overturned jug on the table and what looks like red goo mixed with fruit.

Gingerly I move towards the laptop, frozen on the screen are four people, I have no fucking idea who these people are, but I must have had some kind of video chat with them, I peer at the meeting name, Intercambio, ahh that’s right it’s was my online Spanish class last night, I thought it went well, but I don’t recognise the faces, maybe they are newbies.

Woah! what the actual fuck, two people have no tops on and two are bollock naked, OMG I think that’s castanets on that woman’s boobs, why’s that guy got a full orange in his mouth and two wedges of lime up his nose? FFS a naked woman is riding a stuffed donkey and a naked guy has a sombrero on his head and I don’t mean the one above his face.

The sweat is dripping off me, I’ve had the fear a lot of times, but never have I had the fear of getting the fear, and to top if off I catch sight of myself in my bikini.

Yaass, I just remembered I recorded the session so I could learn offline, ya wee dancer, wait do I really want to watch it ? well I suppose the day couldn’t get any worse, for morale support I made a triple portion of super noodles, opened a two litre bottle of Irn Bru, planked myself in front of the laptop and hit play.

OH MY FUCKING DAYS!

Can you keep a secret? So, can I 😉