Robbing Banks, Thursday 7 May 2020, Day 50

Ain’t no runnin, when you’re robbin a bank!

Day 50 I canny believe that’s it’s 50 days since I was told to work from home, despite the days dragging, the weeks are freakishly flying by.

My last haircut was on 22 Feb so that’s nearly eleven weeks with no haircut, having had a very short haircut for the past 15 years it’s a total and utter pain in the arse, think of Boris mixed with Dr Emmet Brown.

Though my pal offered me her dog clippers, I am no quite ready to do a Sinead O’Conor so yesterday I decided to invest in a hairbrush and at least keep it tidy. I haven’t owned a hairbrush for years, whit a bloody palaver there was a smoother brush, a pro shine enhancer brush, a paddle brush, a mixed bristle brush and a teaser brush (I thought that would have been in the adult section).

Some of them were twenty quid, twenty fucking quid for a hairbrush, do you keep it in your hair as an accessory when you go out, wear it as a tiara on your wedding day? No way would I spend that sort of money, have you noticed nobody laughs anymore when you say “you should be wearing a mask charging those prices” I just bought a small black comb for a quid, job done.

Lazy Bastard top tip – Comfy on the couch and realise the TV remote is at the other side of the room? Don’t get up, download a universal remote from the app store straight to your phone.

I got a call yesterday from my bank, the customer service adviser Martin Lowe told me that he was calling as he wanted to give me a welfare check (too late mate) and to see if there was anything I needed. He was extremely friendly and kept pushing the fact I was a valued customer had he seen my overdraft? I was to go straight to him for anything and if I gave him some details, he would carry out a financial review, aye right pal. I said I would call back, and as I am such a good customer, he gave me his “personal” mobile.

I spoke to the bank and of course it was a scam, so this morning I registered a Mr Robin Banks with the mobile provided for calls backs from, Arnold Clark, Everest Glazing, Ann Summers, British Gas and Striker from my work!

All week I have been watching Britain’s Greatest Generation, the programme tells stories of the extraordinary last survivors who fought or lived through World War II, I cried at every programme.

Nothing like a big reality kick right up my arse to remind me of how lucky I am.

Till we meet again, keep smiling through!