Ordinary? I don’t think so pal! Wednesday 17 March 2021, Day 365, One Year, Yes One Year !

You've got a heart of fire, it's gonna take you higher, just let it flow, look at you glow, you got to know, that you're an extraordinary being!

It’s hard to believe that 366 days ago I was sitting watching TV when I got the message, "Senior management have confirmed that we are not to return to the office. As of tomorrow, we will be working from home until further notice”. I had three immediate emotions, excitement, working at home for a couple of weeks will be pure magic, the fear as maybe this Corona thing was more serious than I thought and pure utter stupidity.

Despite being told to take my laptop home every day for the past ten days I never took it home that night, whit’s the chances! But I wasn’t the only one, when I snuck into the office the next day, two of my team were also collecting theirs. You know who you are!

I’d like to say had I known I wouldn't have seen them in person for over six months I would have given them a huge cuddle, but I’m not a cuddly person I get all awkward and do that pat on the back stuff as if I’m burping a wean. But see when this pandemic is over, I’m gonna become a slut cuddler, I’ll be slut cuddling all over the place. Never met you before, don’t care gies a cuddle. “That will be £9.35 please” “Can I pay in cuddles, no, well you’re getting one and here keep the cuddling change!” I’ll be chasing people down the street tackling them to the ground. Take that as a warning !

If you had asked me March 2020 " If we are in the same position next year, how do you think you will be?” I'd have said, I’d have had my stomach pumped, decorated the house with paper flowers, kidnapped the postman and be a complete and utter basket case. Incredibly I’m only half a basket case and I have to say my paper flowers look beautiful, though I did lose a few of them due to over watering.

This past year I’ve learned many things about myself, there is no need to wrap toilet roll round my hand ten times, its way too expensive, different when your work is paying for it. I’ve certainly not missed fighting with the toilet roll holder in the office, the holder is a twin toilet roll dispenser with a see-through plastic cover, it works ok until one roll runs out and then it’s a fucking nightmare, I’d put it up there with Dracula and button mushrooms.

To get to the other roll you need to slide a plastic cover along a couple of inches, sounds easy, well it would be except the cover is spring loaded and has teeth bigger than Jaws, if your fingers get trapped, your no eating a packet of salt n vinegar crisps anytime soon. I’ve broken a fucking sweat trying to slide it and when you do get it, you can wipe that smug look off your face because it’s not over yet! Aww Naw…

You still need to slip your hand through the gap, spin the loo paper round and round trying to find the end, or is it the start? Either way it’s annoying and what’s worse you can see it spinning around, teasing bastard! Eventually you end up with a slither ten inches long by two centimetres wide, which is no good to anyone and by then your bum is welded to the seat and you’ve dripped dried.

I’ve also learned, if unshaved my leg hair grows to a maximum of 5cm, I can tell someone to fuck off and still be a nice person, l must have routine in my life, TV is overrated and I’m good company, so says all of me. But really that’s all just mince.

I spend too much reflecting on my life and asking myself, when I’m near death who will mop my brow? Why haven’t I climbed Everest? Why didn’t I discover a cure for cancer? Apart from the cockroach I squashed will I ever have any impact on anyone or anything?

Before lockdown, having a few wines I was chatting to my pal about this and she said “Malky most people are ordinary, only a few of us are extraordinary. Greeting into my Cabernet I agreed, I hate greeting into my wine it pure dilutes it and makes it watery, may as well drink Ribena.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned this year is that my friend was wrong. You don’t need to win a Nobel peace prize or tightrope walk across Niagara Falls to be extraordinary it’s all the other stuff.

Eeeking out your budget to make sure your kids get fed, walking your neighbours dog, looking after a sick partner or parent, not reaching for that drink, learning fractions, putting the frying pan down rather than smack it across the other half’s napper just because they ate your mars bar, getting out of bed in the morning when you feel there is no hope, biting your tongue instead of saying “you better no be talking to me ya prick” chatting to that old lady who sits on the bench outside Tesco, wearing a mask, washing your hands, staying home. I could go on and on.

We get so caught up sweating the small stuff and plod along in what we think is just ordinary living, but it's not, we are all extraordinary and do extraordinary things and may never know the extraordinary impact it has.

A year in, I want COVID to fuck right off, I am well and truly done with it now, but without COVID I would never have written a blog and I’ve had some lovely comments saying you really cheered me up, OMG malky I spat my tea out laughing. Recently I got this comment “Lynne has made my lockdown easier, she is a bam” so if putting a smile on your face or better yet making you laugh (and hopefully more to come) is my extraordinary I'm good with that.

Moving forward I'm gonna forget about all the things I've missed this year and focus on all the extraordinary things instead.

Cheers to all you extraordinary people x

P.S. I was trying to get more extraordinaries into this than the FM says unprecedented. Nae fucking chance!

P.P.S I want to make it clear I'm no a pure needy bastard that needs people telling me I am a bam! But it was soo lovely xx