Merry Christmas, Friday 18 December 2020, Day 278

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas, let your heart be light, from now on our troubles will be out of sight.

Wow can you believe it’s nearly Christmas, for such a long-drawn-out boring shit year December came around really quick. The houses in my street are all decorated with lights and Santa Clauses, well apart from mine. I am a bit of a baa humbug and wouldn’t pay the extra electricity just for others to gawp at my decorations. I mean it’s not as if I can see them from inside so no benefit for me. If I can muster up the motivation, I might put a bauble on my peace lily.

My street does look pretty but what was a constant source of entertainment for me during lockdown is sadly quiet these days. Faye Scotland still insists her kids and husband go through the sheep dip before entering the house, with winter coming I don’t know how long that will last, I hope it freezes up and I might get a skate on it. I do wonder if she will get the vaccine or if she will keep on shoving the turmeric up her bum as an alternative remedy. Honestly her fingers look like she smokes 60 roll ups a day!

The Tollcross Tootsies, sadly lost a member recently Mary Anderson wanted to downsize house, so has moved to a one bedroom in Ruchazie. They reckon it won’t be long before she gets recruited by the Ruchazie Blue-Rinse Bastarts (RBRBs- aka Tarts) ! Unless there’s a rumble I doubt I will see her again, not that I am gonna miss her, she is a fucking old boot!

To be honest I am a bit paranoid about how quite the Tootsie’s are, I worry they are hatching a plan to steal the COVID vaccine and hold the Government ransom for a lifetime supply of Kensitas Club and L’air du temps perfume. My pals told me I was being silly, but you never know…

One thing I do like at Christmas time is the atmosphere at George Square. I love the smells of the food, mulled wine and most of all the big wheel and the carousel swings. Last year I went on the carousel swing ride, as we started going round, I was so excited, legs dangling looking down on everyone I felt so alive and free it reminded me of being a child and I cried!

As the ride got faster and faster my gut remined me of the mulled wine and German sausage I had shoved in my gob ten minutes before. Believe me I cried even more when I tried to swallow down the sick that was rising, If I let it out there was only one way it would go and that was smack right back in my face. It’s really hard to keep sick down, so in the end being a selfish prick I turned my head round and let it out, bits of German sausage, still hot mulled wine, a slice of orange (where the fuck did that come from?) went flying through the air and landed on the people behind me.

I swear I didn’t even wait for the ride to stop before I jumped off and ran like Mo Farah on speed down Queen Street.

Maybe its no a bad thing I am missing it this year.

Merry Christmas to you all xx