Operator, where can I direct you, Wednesday 22 April 2020, Day 35

Hello, hello, baby, you called, I can't hear a thing, I have got no service, in the club, you see, see Wha-wha-what did you say? Oh, you're breaking up on me, Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy

Continuing in a similar theme to yesterday’s nonsense, one of my other bug bears is all the

different and numerous methods people have for getting in contact with you. Obviously, this was pre COVID as you know I am now a communication desperado.

Do you remember the days of rotary phones, our family had one of these phones in our hallway it wasn’t connected, it was for show off purposes only, but I could still turn the dial, ah the magic, I loved sticking my finger in the number hole, dialling and listening to the dial spin back. Every Friday our family would all congregate in my Granny Miller’s house, she had a rotary phone and it worked, she would let me phone the speaking clock, how spoiled was I. This is a true fact my Granny’s phone number was one digit different from Radio Clyde’s so she spent a lot of her day taking shout out requests.

On my iphone, I have standard text msg, standard phone calls, four apps that enable messaging, audio and video Calls, and two email accounts but there are loads more apps out there that I don’t have, don’t want and don’t even know about.

Have you ever been sitting on the loo and you hear a text msg beep, then a few seconds later you hear a whats app msg beep, then a few seconds later you hear a fb messenger beep. Then you hear your phone ringing followed by a beep to indicate a voicemail, then you hear your whats app audio ringtone, then you hear your fb messenger video chat ring. The time since the first beep is approximately 32 seconds.

Meantime you are on the loo trying to squeeze pee out in record time and are mentally viciously kicking yourself for not taking your mobile into the loo with you because you assume it must be VERY URGENT, you half pull your knickers up, run out the toilet, trip, give yourself carpet burns on your knee, you reach out to grab the phone and notice the loo paper is still stuck to you hand, MINGING, you hit the accept button and your pal says…….

“Hi just checking to see if you got my message”

GET THAT FUCKING NEEDY BASTARD TAE FUCK OUT OF YOUR LIFE!