I am legend, Wednesday 1 April 2020, Day 14

The sands of time for me are running low….

Woke up this morning feeling like shit and hoping this COVID -19 was an April fool joke implemented by the Worlds Health Organisation just to scare the shit out of us. I listened to the radio until noon waiting for Boris to come on and say in the voice of Mr T “April Fool Suckers” but guess what, it never happened!

I never slept well last night I was a bit freaked out about that image that’s doing the rounds where you stare at the dots on the woman’s face and then look at the roof and you see the image, I swear that woman followed me into bed and no in a nice way.

I am a pure scardey cat, I hate any kind of horror, creepiness, it comes from watching the Dracula mini-series on the BBC in the late 70s/80s, what was my Dad thinking letting me watch it! I remember visiting my Granny Malcolm and borrowing (robbed) her cross that sat on her dresser, I slept with it under my pillow for about three weeks until my Dad found it, made me return it after giving me a belt across the back of the head.

During the night that friggin film I am Legend with Will Smith popped into my head. For me that was the creepiest, freakiest, most unsettling film I have seen. What’s worse it could be us in a few years if this pandemic continues and develops other strains. A wave of pressure came over me like a tsunami and I started to sweat a bit, what if I had to kill my dog with my bare hands (if I have one) what if I was immune and one of the few remaining people left, future civilisation could be relying on me to end the pandemic, I only got standard grade science at general level. I gave myself a reality check and sighed with relief, when the world declines into chaos and food supplies dwindle, I will be hunted by the cannibals and zombies for my prime piece of ass.

I tuned into BBC Scotland’s show today they were having a discussion/phone in on education, you know having a good education does not stop you from being a total and utter fanny! Some of the questions and statements were face palm material.

A teacher Chris ? canny mind his surname was complaining about the lack of communications from SQA and how it was ridiculous schools had to wait for instructions. Then the prick said, “you would think SQA would have had contingency plans in place for this situation” Aye , same as all other organisations but just wanted to keep you hanging on for a laugh. Sakes!

Oh, my fire drill took place today and was a great success, I managed to navigate the stairwell and evacuate the flat in 32 seconds.

Made up non fact

One of the best ways to repel Dracula is with garlic, also known as the sticking rose, Dracula simply hates the smell so much it drives him away. If you can not get a garlic garland from your local supermarket try rubbing your body with garlic juice which is easily available online and not subject to 3 per person.

Sabias Palabras Drácula no es tu amigo, así que no te engañes, ¡quiere chuparte la sangre!