Window Cleaning express style, Thursday 2 April 2020, Day 15

Give me real love, Give me what I need and together we can take it higher… Yaaasss tune, gonna get down to this later on the GBX online workout. Shout out to all my pals, your pure class man, different from the rest, diamonds on our fingers when there no in the pawn, ya belters Here we, here we, here we fooking go! There’s no limits.

Please note today’s random nonsense infers adult content that some readers (with no sense of humour) may find offensive or rude.

I was on a pure high earlier today, I was working away and kept hearing this strange noise, looked out the window, it was the window cleaner, (solo worker) OMG I was pure excited a fellow human and no bad looking, I have never see him before, I am normally at work when he comes and my pals Aunty who stays next door pays him and I pay her.

I resist the urge to let out a wolf whistle, feck I am a pure mess and so is the flat, I guestimate I have about 4 mins until he finishes next door. I canny mind the last time I was wolf whistled at, I know it’s purely down to this nanny state we live in and not because I don’t have big boobs.

I run around like a nut job maniac, make my bed, toss the dishes in the fridge (out of sight, out of mind) and get dressed. I have 7 windows in the flat so that’s roughly 2 mins to wash each window yaasss 14 mins of company, well kind of.

The ladders appear at my window and I clap WTF was that about, I could hear him climbing the ladder, getting closer and closer what a tease man just hurry up. Oh my days, he’s here, I am mesmerised by his movements, he dips his sponge in his bucket of soapy water and begins stroking washing the window, "lets get in on" starts playing in my head and I begin to sway, the needle on the record in my head screeches to a stop, he is moving rooms, like a dog, I follow him round the flat, at the forth window he chaps on it and asks if I am ok. “aye I am fine just nice to see someone” he gives me a brief nod and a weird look.

He is on window number 6 aww naw he will be leaving soon he moves his ladders to window number 7. In a moment of utter madness I run to window number 7 and press myself against it like Bill Hayes burd from Midnight Express when he is in prison. If you haven’t seen it here is a summary. Bill’s been in prison for a long time, his burd gets access to visit him, they are in a private room and all that’s between them is a perspex screen, I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

The window cleaner leans back on his ladder with a look of pure shock and utter horror on his face. He screams “what you doing are you a fooking maniac” he jumps down from the ladder picks up his gear and runs off. I slide down the window the excitement on my face is replaced with tears.

Was it only yesterday I said I was relatively sane? Roger Conejo es mi amigo !