What a wonderful world, Monday 27 April 2020, Day 40

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Zip-a-dee-ay, my my my what a wonderful day, plenty of sunshine heading my way, Zip-a-dee-doo-dah now, Zip-a-dee-ay!

I am in a good mood, in fact I am in great, super smashing, let’s have a bit of bully mood and for once not because it’s payday, but because I had a brilliant weekend.

On Friday my pal Caroline told me she was taking her dog for a walk at Glasgow Green and invited me to meet her for a socially distance walk, if I was up for it and could be bothered. Was I up for it, could I be bothered dam fucking right I was, this was the second most exciting thing that’s happened to me since lockdown (the windy cleaner was number one, I may have to seek medical advice to help me get over that 😊).

We agreed to meet at 12.30, I was dressed and ready to go by 10.04, and I mean properly dressed I had underwear on. Recently I’ve been debating with myself, if I only wear my pants for an hour a day to nip out to the shop and back, is it ok to wear the same pants for fourteen more visits to the shops?

Come 12.00 as you can imagine I was fooking hyper, I was going to be driving my car for at least ten minutes, and interacting with a friend not through video, or watching them on tik tok

but in real life. Friday was a beautiful day so for the 5th time in 6 years I got the roof down on my car, Justin Timberlake’s can’t stop the feeling was playing on the radio as I eased out the driveway, could it be any more perfect, I was deliriously happy. I slipped my shades on over my glasses as I canny see a thing without them, I still looked cool though, I must get prescription shades.

By the time I got to Celtic Park I was greeting, and I don’t mean wee tiny tears, I mean big fat fuck off tears mixed with snot. I felt completely overwhelmed with emotion at the thought of seeing Caroline and had went from deliriously happy to just delirious. Through my tears I made it to the West Brewery without knocking down any of the nutters that have started walking into the road so they can overtake people walking on the pavement and reduce the risk of infection. Aye ya smart bastards COVID might no get you, but that lorry delivering essential items will run you the fuck down, MANIACS!

I saw Caroline and heard her shout “Indie, Indie, it’s your Aunty Malky, there, over there, no not there over there” when Indie eventually saw me she jumped into my arms and licked my face, I didn’t even care she had licked a shite on route to me.

Seeing Caroline was pure magic but strange, this is a pal who’s seen me vomit and pee on myself and others (long story, coming soon) on girls weekends we’ve fallen asleep steaming in a single bed, argued in the morning about who shit the bed and laughed ourselves stupid when we remember we took a bag of penguins to bed and I couldn’t even give her a cuddle.

We just gabbed and then when I thought the day could not get any better, we saw Joanne, SAKES MAN! I was like a rabid dog and started to slabber I kicked myself for not putting a tena lady on as I was peeing myself with excitement. From a distance we walked, we talked, we laughed, we shared COVID stories, it was pure joy.

I had a video meeting at 2.00pm so it was with sadness I had to say goodbye, I managed to hold myself together in front of them.

When I got back to the car, I really didn’t want the day to end, so I bumped my meeting and spent the rest of the day driving up and down the Broomielaw.

Jason Leitch is a dream boat.