Good Vibrations, Friday 24 April 2020, Day 37

Doctor, Doctor give me the news I’ve got a bad case of loving you.

After yesterday’s update I got a message off my brother asking me “what do you mean by a cheeky update, I hope it’s not going to make me squirm?” I replied “Acc away I am going to give a history lesson” He replied “that’s ok then”

What I failed to mention was that the history lesson was about vibrators, yes vibrators so maybe this might not be your thing but it’s a Friday and it’s good to have a cheeky one to end the week.

So, mention the word vibrator and most people avoid eye contact, think of brown paper packages, 47-year-old women locked down during COVID or how they can disguise themselves so they can slip into Ann Summers on Argyle Street with none of their colleagues spotting them.

In the 1880s it was believed that woman had no sexual appetite and were merely a vessel for their man to get off on one, woman were socialised to think that it was their duty to keep their husbands happy and have children. Obviously, these women were not the #strongindependentwomen in today’s world, cause their men would be papped.

A lot of woman became agitated, frustrated, annoyed at their husbands, basically they were Horny as fuck and who wouldn’t be, but they were diagnosed by doctors with a syndrome called hysteria taken from the Greek word for Uterus.

So, let’s get to the treatment, these hysterical woman would make an appointment with their local doctor and the doctor would give them a ROO, yes, a ROO the patient would get up on the table, lie back make herself comfy and the doctor would get to work. Now this was a socially acceptable treatment as doctors did not think woman were capable of sexual feelings, so this was just a way of relieving them of their hysteria.

As you can imagine a lot of woman were very grateful for this treatment and regularly paid for additional appointments. I’d be bloody skint, and my credit cards would be maxed out! As the treatment became more and more popular, unfortunately for doctors there was a hitch, the constant ROOing of woman caused them hand fatigue and they often had trouble maintaining the ROOing as their wee hands were sore. How many fecking appointments must they had been getting every day to cause hand fatigue? I’d be raging if I was the last appointment of the day.

Eventually an English doctor patented an electric vibrator and as you can imagine they were a big hit, suddenly woman could relieve their hysteria in their own homes. To make them socially acceptable in the market they were re-branded as personal massagers and advertised freely in newspapers and catalogues. Sears advertised them as “a delightful companion, all the pleasure of youth will throb within you”

With the rise of the porn industry in the 60s/70s suddenly “massagers” became deemed as sexual and the brown paper bags started coming out. The porn industry has a lot to answer for!

So the next time your other half says I am fucking hysterical, get tore in and enjoy!