It takes more than a physical attraction, Sunday 20 June 2021, Day 460!

It's an uncharted sea, It's an unopened door, But you gotta reach out, you gotta explore !

There’s not many things that make me squirm in my seat but the TV programme Naked Attraction certainly does. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a dating show where a person picks a date from six naked contestants hidden in glass booths, throughout the show their nakedness is slowly revealed from the feet up. Ta Da…….

I know that like everything else how we meet someone has changed and moved on but is it really necessary to get naked on national TV? I don’t fucking think so, but then I used to think some of the contestant answers on Blind date were a bit saucy!

A few years ago (for research purposes only) I joined Plenty of Fish, ten minutes after creating my profile I had about 200 likes and 50 messages. Well, let me tell you there are some crackers out there, one guy asked me if I would be interested in friends with benefits, honestly, WTF did It have to do with him, some of my pals work and some claim the dole as long as they stand their round in the pub I don’t care!

As an opening question someone asked if he could tie me up and spit roast me over an open fire. “Aye ok pal just gie me ten mins to lather myself in lard and stick a sprig of rosemary up my bum hole and I’ll be there!” Bolt ya rocket!

Oh, and let’s not forget the can you give me your phone number messages and we can share pics, eh no unless you are sending me a pic of mac n cheese, I am no interested. Get tae fuck, account deleted!

Are people really going on Naked Attraction for a date or for their five minutes of fame? Either way you would need some pair of balls and you can sure as hell see them. Even though the show makes me squirm and I don’t really like it I still watch it. I’m in stiches at the hosts questions, I have no idea how she keeps a straight face! “ what do you think of the vagina on contestant no 3?” “No 4s nipples are rather large, do you like that?” “oh number 2’s penis is very long, can you cope with that?” I’d like to ask, have we evolved differently over the past decade cause I ain’t seen anyone under 30 with pubes!

I had thought I had seen it all, then the picker said she was an amateur jockey and wait for it........asked the guys to pretend they were riding a horse, it was not for the faint hearted, all the bits were going from side to side and the guy with the long one was getting slapped in the face and it was bashing off the glass. I was fucking memorised and for some reason not known to man or beast, while they were riding their cock horses to Banbury cross I found myself dancing Gangnam style in front of the tv!

For me the worst thing would not be going on the show but the aftermath of comments from people who had seen you! Imagine your parents watching it, my mum used to throw a hankie over her whisky when the local church members came to visit, she would have had to leave her village in shame. But facing work colleagues must be the ultimate brass neck I can picture it. Alastair from sales “Malky saw you on the TV and if you don't mind me saying, I always knew you had great tits and I was telling Bob this morning your pubes have a lovely design,did you do that yourself? Bob is gonna watch you on catch up. I canny believe you weren’t picked. You know I can be the naked chef if you fancy coming up for my meat roast? "Thanks but I’ve just turned vegetarian"

Each to their own, but there is a lot to say for secret glances, butterflies in the tummy and getting to know someone before letting it all hang out. Maybe I’m just an old fashioned girl after all.

Anyway must dash need to get to the shops before all the Rosemary is sold out! :-)